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@Breadery

Things I learnt from Avatar:

– Kill Smurfs while they’re still young.

@gruffybeard

Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you…

@daemonic3

Some people like instant gratification but I prefer mine brewed slowly from freshly ground gratification beans

@PoorEvelyn

Sometimes words just aren’t enough.

And that’s why we have middle fingers.

@Crunk_Jews

Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.

@megg_brady

Robert Pattinson can play Batman but Christian Bale could never play Edward Cullen

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall.

4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.

@bridger_w

Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire

@ShrugLord

How will the whales ever evolve if we keep pushing them back in the water?