@lipstck_junkie

My 6 y/o told me the medicine cabinet was our most important cabinet. Outwardly I agreed but inwardly: “no son, the liquor cabinet is”.

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@MaraWilson

High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway

@houffy

*i get home riding a pig*
Wife: Hey honey, how was the “Hog Riders” meeting?
Me: *sighs* Pointless…this one was for motorcycles too.

@CantWaitToNap

“Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.

@JohnLyonTweets

The premise of The Exorcist is truly terrifying. Imagine having a 12-year-old daughter.

@3sunzzz

*shows up at your potluck with a handful of McDonald’s ketchup packets*

@brodyfontane

I’m pretty confident I can perform this Appendectomy on myself.

Thanks YouTube