My 8yo wants to make her tween sister’s birthday cake. My tween is mad because she wants to make her own cake. I suggested she have 2 birthday cakes and now everyone is upset.
Apparently the solution to all life’s problems is not more cake.
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An escape room but it’s just me trying to put on my hoodie with one sleeve inside out.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Today at work a lady brought in a gift bag for the doctor, being he wasn’t there at the time, I just put it on his desk. It was a stool sample.
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GUY: get out of my son’s tree house
ME: fine, but I’m keeping the squirrels
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Know when to foldem
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Know when to walk away
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Know when to run
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I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.
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– your salary
– how “busy you were”
– how many hours you workedpeople will remember:
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– the rash I got looked like Alaska
– I am allergic to pickles
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I text back: no YOU’RE adorable
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That’s me in the spot light
Eating a banana 🎶
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Me: get this wrong & you die
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Me (looks up): “I’m sorry, what?”
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Me: [left 3 hours ago]
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Me: We can wait a few days.
Wife: We’re out of beer.
Me: *dives in the car*
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