My beach vacation Google searches
You Might Also Like
Sorry if you feel foolish, but that’s how sarcasm works… Einstein.
Wearing a rollerblade on one foot and an ice skate on the other so you are prepared for any type of terrain.
When I first heard the term hang gliding I thought the Americans had invented something even more theatrical than the electric chair.
Remembering when I taught middle school and some girls wanted to have a Twilight book club in my classroom and then they uninvited me when they found out I was team Jacob
A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%
In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror.
In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs.
My boyfriend just texted me, “We need to talk.” I think he’s going to propose!
One day you’re young and eating hot wings, the next day you have a favorite flavor of Tums.
Him: 🎶 In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. 🎶
Her: Please don’t sing to it when you are down there
it’s either covid or clever vampires
i love horror films but this one with the killer making people stay at their desks after work is next level sick.
Your honor these allegations are
Jingle Bell Rock implies the existence of Jingle Bell Paper and Jingle Bell Scissors.
My human just got off the phone and said to me, “You won’t be a happy kitty tomorrow.”
I’m suddenly having trust issues.
The rain is pounding so hard I’m kind of jealous.
if you’re gonna break up with someone over dinner, make sure you do it after they order food but before it arrives so when they leave then you can finally be alone and you get two dinners
Scientists are attempting to clone Ice Age Cave Lions because running into a raccoon when I take out the trash isn’t scary enough.
I buried our dead snowman in the neighbor’s backyard
Here me out, Jurassic Barbie.
To the person who left the green Tupperware in the fridge, it was last seen moving down the hall towards the elevator.
Yeah but the way I see it is, I have the rest of my life to exercise but this 350 pack of Oreos from Costco expires in December of 2017.
Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?
NO, SENSEI!
Gluten sensitivity does not exist in this dojo,does it? Put your hand down Aiyden
Just watched a vid about the benefits of couples vacationing together and I’m wondering how I missed the train where couples vacationed separately.
Never end a tweet with a question mark. People will talk to you.
There’s never enough good news
Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it’s not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.
Why do we call it tunafish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?!!?
WEBSITE CEO: We need a fool-proof way to ensure everyone who enters the site is over 18
“What about clicking on a button that says I’m over 18?”
WEBSITE CEO: Bob, you have done it again
Me: *pressed against glass* they can’t keep us apart, they can’t deny our love, you’re my lobster
Aquarium owner: *into walkie talkie* security
Me: *being dragged away* WAIT FOR ME LEONARDO DA PINCHI
Eric Clapton *fumbling with a gun*
Sheriff: I’ve a bad feeling about this
Deputy: I’m surprisingly calm