The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. “Too pudgy to be a terminator” says one woman.
My boss said , “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume
You Might Also Like
I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love’s first kiss.
I don’t know much about physics, but I do know that cookout smoke will blow in whatever direction people are sitting.
My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
I’ve been dieting for 2 weeks now and so far I lost 5 Instagram followers.
I can’t see my boyfriend during this lockdown and I’m really unhappy about it!
My husband says he doesn’t care. Rude!
I can work well with others OR pass a drugs test. I can’t do both.
I’m swilling port like a British butler who had a rough afternoon at the races.
Whoever keeps dressing our president in golf clothes and putting him in golf carts, please stop, he’s trying to make phone calls and work.
“Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern.”
~ Me at McDonald’s on pay day.