WOLVERINE’S DAD: Son do you know why I named you Wolverine
WOLVERINE: No, father
WOLVERINE’S DAD: It is because my name is Wolverine’s Dad
My boss told me: “Dress for the job you want…” so there will be a stormtrooper at tomorrow morning’s meeting.
You Might Also Like
Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.
*First day as a fire investigator*
Me: We’re trying to figure out why your house burned down
Woman: Have you ruled out arson?
Me: *narrows eyes, looks at baby* No
Guy getting on elevator in my office building..” Going Down?”
Me: “No, but I’ve got time for a hug”
I take pride in the fact that I have never played Candy Crush. I don’t need that addiction! *snorts Twitter*
*gets abducted by aliens* thank you. you have no idea how much i hated living on that planet
“Tell me about yourself.”
I’m a bit of a grammar freak.
“Can you explain?”
I don’t know, CAN I?
Before kids: I’m going to age like fine wine.
After kids: I’m aging like cheese. Left outside.
Me: Well, well, well. Look who’s come crawling back
Baby: [pretends like she doesn’t hear my extremely witty comment]