In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.
My boyfriend died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work
He didn’t suffer, it was instant
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Men don’t even appreciate a good bra & panty set. “TAkE tHeSe OfF” did you even look at it 🥺😒
I’ve never been camping but one time I ordered something from Amazon that wasn’t Prime Eligible.
There’s a good time and a bad time to share feedback with your wife about things that have been weighing on you, like your inner most desires, hopes or just tightening lids better.
There’s also a horrible time.
Wife: *on hands and knees cleaning up a half a gallon of ranch*
Drinking before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.
You are never alone with Cthulhu in your mind. #WednesdayWisdom
Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper “I’m seeing someone”
Top Gun (PG) – 1986
A military jet suffers thru two arrogant pilots’ bro-speak until finally fighting back, killing one of them – 110 mins
My wife’s idea of oral sex is to sit down and talk me out of it.
The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.