@jazz_meoblivion

My boyfriend died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work

He didn’t suffer, it was instant

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@elle91

In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.

@cr0issantitties

Men don’t even appreciate a good bra & panty set. “TAkE tHeSe OfF” did you even look at it 🥺😒

@TheCatWhisprer

I’ve never been camping but one time I ordered something from Amazon that wasn’t Prime Eligible.

@Beagz

There’s a good time and a bad time to share feedback with your wife about things that have been weighing on you, like your inner most desires, hopes or just tightening lids better.

There’s also a horrible time.

Wife: *on hands and knees cleaning up a half a gallon of ranch*

@kendracomedy

Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper “I’m seeing someone”

@Sickayduh

Top Gun (PG) – 1986

A military jet suffers thru two arrogant pilots’ bro-speak until finally fighting back, killing one of them – 110 mins

@qwertying

My wife’s idea of oral sex is to sit down and talk me out of it.

@Storminika

The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.