My boyfriend died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work

He didn’t suffer, it was instant

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In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.


Men don’t even appreciate a good bra & panty set. “TAkE tHeSe OfF” did you even look at it 🥺😒


I’ve never been camping but one time I ordered something from Amazon that wasn’t Prime Eligible.


There’s a good time and a bad time to share feedback with your wife about things that have been weighing on you, like your inner most desires, hopes or just tightening lids better.

There’s also a horrible time.

Wife: *on hands and knees cleaning up a half a gallon of ranch*


Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper “I’m seeing someone”


Top Gun (PG) – 1986

A military jet suffers thru two arrogant pilots’ bro-speak until finally fighting back, killing one of them – 110 mins


My wife’s idea of oral sex is to sit down and talk me out of it.


The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.