My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street.

You Might Also Like


hm, feeling a little stiff today. must be from all that (into megaphone) HIKING


At what age is it acceptable to completely let yourself go physically? Please say 44


My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening.


brent use the shallow end
you’re not a strong swimmer
I am so *jumps*
[doesnt surface because I have $1.75 worth of change in my pocket]


I’m the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice.

Really dirty.


How did you get those horrible burns?
*flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster*
I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.


First time flying huh?
-Yeah how could you tell?
Just a hunch. You wanna come down to your seat? The overhead bin is typically for luggage.


We got a dusting of snow here in Michigan. Or as people south of Ohio refer to it: “Death Blizzard 2017.”


When you text a guy “my shirt smells like you” be sure you spell shirt correctly.


Date – “I really dig intellectuals”
Me – “oh yeah? well check this out babe”
[counts to 17]