@barfolishus: My cat just meowed and it sounded like he said "ugh" and I've never agreed with him more
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@frankzulla: "Ohhh, a knife! What are you gonna do, stab me or something?" - Guy about to get stabbed bad
@GingerAtLaw: If video games really made people violent, I would be jumping on every turtle I saw.
@_sinistroll: WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey