@mommajessiec

My children wanted to name our 2 guinea pigs Guinea and Piggie, so it is a certainty I will have future grandchildren named Girl and Boy.

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@novocapulum

Dear America: it’s called English for a reason. They invented it. It’s not “English” spelling. It’s correct spelling… This is a subtweet.

@Dani_Feld

I slept like a log last night.

A badger pissed on me.

@daemonic3

[spelling bee]

Your word is ‘golfed’

“May I have it in a sentence please?”

Sure. He golfed with a tee.

“G-O-L-F-T”

@SonOfCha

Imagine if you killed a shark then got reincarnated as a shark but the shark you killed was really popular & all the sharks knew it was you.

@jimmytorosian

What are you listening to?
The Who
Who?
Yes
You’re listening to Yes?
No The Who
Oh I like them
No not Them. The band is The Who.
The Band?

@CanadianCyn

Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Netflix: Because you watched that one movie that had Christmas lights in the background of a scene, here are 37 Netflix original holiday movies you might enjoy…

@Parentpains

Whenever I’m on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.

@Halbeerz

So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven’t suffered enough.