[TI and his daughter at OBGYN]
doctor, to TI’s daughter: u have a UTI
TI’s daughter: a what
TI: no I’m TI
My dad owned a convenience store when I was a kid and he would give me the keys to Ms. Pac-Man so I could play for free.
Let me tell you the drunk-with-power feeling that was for a 10 yr old pushing that credit button. I’ve been chasing that high ever since.
You Might Also Like
Daughter 7 catches spiders, puts them in jars to make them fight, then releases the victor.
I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared.
Scientist 1: We’re not going to be using mice in experiments anymore. You can just hand those over.
Scientist 2: Um, you look suspiciously like 3 cats in a lab coat.
Scientist 1 glares at Scientist 2, swats pen off counter and runs sideways out of room.
The scene from The Exorcist where she’s tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it’s me when getting a Brazilian.
Sex is the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.
Sphere pressure 😂😭
There’s a reason the iPhone autocorrects “Yolo” to “tool.”
Bro: *on phone* Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe. BABE!
Dude: You’re so whipped.
Bro: What? I just got her to rent Babe instead of The Notebook.
My 4 yr old came in my room last night at 3am. I asked him what was wrong and he said “how many eyebrows do I have?”