FASHION BOSS: any new ideas?
ME: how about a shirt with a hat
F: so a hoodie?
M: I call it a shat and as I say it out loud I hear my mistake
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“Hey, the sky is pitch black tonight.”-You, counting your lucky stars.
I think she is an organ harvester 🤔🤔 #tinder #tinderindia
They should make engagement ring boxes that whisper “Dont do it” when you open them.
SHEEPLE, WAKE UP! THE SAME CANDY THEY CALL “HALLOWEEEEEEN” CANDY IS AVAILABLE ALL YEAR LO…get off me…let go…NEVER FORGET!
My husband found another tasty treat at the market.
Don’t go to knife fights. Then you never have to worry about what to bring.
I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college
“Bro check out that DILP.”
“Where? Wait what’s a DILP?”
“Dog I’d Like to Pet.”
If I was Steve Jobs I would engrave on my tombstone: