@MarieLoerzel: My daughter has fallen in with the wrong crowd at school and likes country music now.
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@Coolhand_Comedy: May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning
@noog: *opens facebook messenger* *sips mtn dew twice* *strokes neckbeard* *begins typing* Sorry abt ur mom dying Tis a shame Btw ur attractive
@electrolemon: i know this website has poisoned my brain because an earthquake just shook my bedroom, and mid-quake my very first thought was “oh boy, here come the tweets”
@Parkerlawyer: Someone call or text my husband and tell him that dinner at Applebee’s is not a “night out on the town.”