Maybe Millennials aren’t having children because we lived through the nightmare of raising Tamagotchis. :/
My daughter is refusing to eat anything but nachos. And I’m a good mom and will give her what she wants:
Nacho ride to your friend’s house
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priest: we are all going to miss, uh… *snaps finger* you know.. *glances at my wife*
wife: *turns to my mom*
mom: Greg? I feel like it was something close to Greg.
before guns were invented, armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit out until the next war
“I’ve led you this far so the LEAST you can do is drink, dammit!”
PILOT: we’ll be experiencing some cabin pressure changes
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: *sits down next to me* so have you thought about going back to school
Waiter: How is everything?
Me: This is a salad
Me: I ordered spaghetti
Waiter: Yeah. We are really worried about you, dude
I was the fastest gun in the West, I’d shoot you with a ham before you could even ask “What is that, some sort of ham cannon?”
“I’m not angry, just disappointed. You need to try harder. This is important! Do I make myself clear?”
“Sorry, sir. Here’s your ketchup.”
I only had a few friends before I got on Twitter.
Now I don’t have any.
My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I’ve never even seen a werewolf.