@MrAdamBez
Lol at birds that walk places.
@Divergentmama
My daughter is refusing to eat anything but nachos. And I’m a good mom and will give her what she wants:
Nacho phone
Nacho allowance
Nacho ride to your friend’s house
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@MrAdamBez
@Smooheed
*slowly backs away from you
*down the stairs
*out the door
*along the street
*through the airport
*onto to a plane
*into another country
@cervixsmash
Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@treydayway
I’m not even opening the door for kids dressed as police for Halloween
@yung_butters
british people be having sex like:
mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving
@DadBits
Toy stores should spread the toys out on the floor so you can see them in their natural state and practice stepping on them.
@PFitzpa
So, I bought the Cucumber Mint lip balm from Burt’s Bees. I kinda love it and hate it too. What? Oh, yeah I want to report a murder.
@shesatornado
Clarissa didn’t explain this at all
@twayne1010
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
@envydatropic
Accidentally bought something by clicking “OK” 6 times then “place order”