@tricyclerunaway: My days of chasing men over. I’m all about chasing food trucks now.
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@junejuly12: No need to pay for a gym when accidentally liking a selfie online makes your palms sweat and your heart race for free.
@dafloydsta: [wedding] "Anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?" ME: *from back* THEY'RE DOING A CASH BAR *priest drops bible*
@GrantTanaka: me: [being beaten w/ nightstick] are u a virgo cop: GET ON THE GROUND me: that's such a virgo thing to say