Researcher: The data are wrong so I sent Jenkins to the lab to review the calculation-process-thingy.
R: No you stay here and help me.
My dog doesn’t always bark like there’s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I’m home alone and in the shower.
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*shotguns bottle of hot sauce*
Is it working yet?
I left this letter from ‘Management’ on the doors of an apartment complex
Sure Italian food is expensive but I think it’s worth every penne
If one ex was drowning and the other was
dangling from a cliff-edge and you had one set of
ropes to save them….where would you hide it?
It’s like my golf instructor thinks I’m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever.
I feel personally attacked
Jesus: Behold my powers.
*walks onto water and falls in*
[back in heaven]
Angel: HAHAHAHA “behold my powers”
me: there’s a man in my house
911: what’s he doing
me: yea there’s actually multiple people all drinking and having a good time
911: sounds like you’re hosting a party
me: please send help