@RodLacroix

My dog: WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL HOME

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@DougBenson

That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive

@wolfpupy

making internet enemies is a lot easier than making internet friends but i guess it does keep the curse protection talisman industry alive.

@deathbybadger

SAURON: I shall create three rings for the elves, seven for the dwarf lords and nine for mortal men

HOBBITS: wow ok none for us cool

SAURON: and thus I shall have dominion over all the civilised races of middle earth

HOBBITS: WOW

@daemonic3

[home depot]

ME: I think I like this huge decorative rock

HER: Boulder

ME: Ok [with confidence] I REALLY LOVE THIS HUGE DECORATIVE ROCK

@Mr_Kapowski

Me: I guess it all started when I was younger-

Her: Sir, unless there’s a problem with the gas pump, don’t push the button to talk to me

@AlanHungover

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame that they’ll never meet…

@nachdermas

99% of all online behavior is explained by the fact that everyone is insanely lonely and horny. the remaining 1% is advertising