My dog’s dinner: pork tenderloin, quinoa, and kale

My dinner: 12-15 mini chocolate donuts

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If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive.


If the majority of twitter’s trending topics are any indication of the state of humanity thus far, we clearly need an asteroid intervention.


This is best piece of Superman art I’ve seen in a long time, made by Brakken


When I’m at the supermarket and knock on a watermelon, I honestly do not know what I am listening for


Cop: Are you drunk?

Me: um if I was drunk, could I do this?

*stands on one foot*

Cop: ok first of all, ow


You have a really old bottle of hair care product in your shower. You have a pre-existing conditioner.


If I were a millionaire, I’d probably sign up Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow for a movie called, ‘Salt’ & ‘Pepper’.