Your jokes are only as funny as someone else’s sense of humor.
My ex’s were all super hot
I found the key was using just the right amount of kindling
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Boss: I thought I said no costumes this week.
Me: These are my clothes.
Friend: It looks like you’re packing to go on an extended vacation. Where to, the Caribbean or Hawaii?
Me: No, this is just my lunch.
Apparently you can’t get a sick leave just because you’re sick of seeing everyone at the office.
My prescription isn’t ready, so three toddlers at this pharmacy just learned the F word.
Word of the day – Obama. I opened a bottle of brandy and drank it Obama self.
My son came home hella mad today talking about he told his friends i was a virgin and they told him that was impossible
put my earbuds in so i wouldn’t have to talk with the man next to me on the plane and he asked if he could “borrow one so we could listen together”
*Beethoven & orchestra take stage*
HECKLER: (chanting) Ode to Joy! Ode to Joy!
Beethoven: –we’re gonna play some new stuff
If you can see the bread you are not using butter correctly.