Confession: I have dipped cheese into softer cheese.
My family tree is a cactus, we’re all pricks.
You Might Also Like
I hated facial hair at first, but then it grew on me!
[college career fair]
Me: I cheated my way through school, lied to professors & learned nothing, FML
*CIA recruiter hires me on the spot*
“We can’t put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes”
CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan
Please be more careful with your tacos. I just found them in my mouth.
Witch: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
Rapunzel: … Why tho
Witch: I wanna climb the tower
Rapunzel: Have you- have you seen the news? It’s close quarters up here
Witch: C’mon I gotta talk to you
Rapunzel: Can I just drop you a Zoom link
Shout out to people who text you and apparently throw their phone into a river as soon as they hit send?
Even the coffee is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Wait…am I being poisoned?
*drinks it anyway*
Would you rather fight one 800lb gorilla or 800 1lb gorillas that trust you as their parent?
Is there a way to ask for extra ranch dressing without sounding fat?