Ironically, I hate people who say “like us on Facebook”.
My fantasy is having two men at once.
You Might Also Like
Doormats are a gateway rug.
The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated.
[In a meeting]
Chad: You look tired this morning, Liz.
Me: *whispers* nobody can help you now, Chad.
If the chameleons did their work better, we would not know about the existence of chameleons.
“Hindsight is 2020” will be a literal phrase when future generations want a guide of what not to do
*Cowboy stares at the horizon*
“A storm’s comin”
[In the distance, Darude ‘Sandstorm’ can be heard faintly]
*Cowboy cracks a glowstick*
ME: hey I’m just in time to watch the meteor shower!
METEOR: um, how about a little privacy?
Love this joke:
Apparently one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is having no taste. Looking back on all my exes, I think I’ve been infected for years!