My father one time told me to go apologize to the neighbor for being mouthy so I went and told her my father says he’s sorry.

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Everything about parenting is as unexpected and surprising as finding a dirty fork in the shower.

But, please, why is there a fork in the shower?


[ from bed ]

*accio coffee*

damnit it didn’t work again


Tried to text “playa” but it changed it to “player”

I must have the white iPhone.


8 just said we should get her mom “something to do with napping” for christmas “because she likes napping” and I’m not sure I’ll be able to protect her through this


I don’t always whoop.

But when i do.. there it is


I smoke in the car and the smell is in my clothes, skin, and hair but this gum will cover everything up so no one will know.

– smokers