My favorite part of the bible is when god gives people free will and then kills everyone with a flood for not acting the way he wanted .

You Might Also Like


Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that’s big enough.


I stepped on two raccoons today, but I’m just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life.


Do you know where my mexican hat is?

– It’s somewhere bro..

Fine…a sombrero, but what I’m asking is have you seen it?


I got a candy bar from the hotel mini bar if you’re wondering why I’ll be late with the mortgage this month.



Mrs. Rabbit: Hello?

Mr. McGregor: Your kid’s in my yard again.

Mrs. Rabbit: Oh i’m so sorry, is he-

Mr. McGregor: yea he’s naked


[Independence Day – 2017]

ALIEN {auto-translated}: We. are. taking. over. the. leadership. of. your. country. Do. not. r—



If your dog & your baby are fighting, it’s important to leave them to it so that a pack leader can be established.


[Psychiatrist’s Office]

ME: So do I just lie on the couch over here?

PSYCHIATRIST: Actually this works much better if you tell the truth.