[home depot guy going through my list] these are all the things from the game Mouse Trap
My favorite superheros are.. Baskin and Robbin!
You Might Also Like
Thanks to the magic of low fat peanut butter, I now know what despair tastes like.
Seems like everybody is wishing to find that special someone in their life, and I’m just over here wishing I could eat without getting fat
Jesus, take the wheel.
Carlos, you take the stereo & I’ll take lookout.
Say one positive thing about your opponent
Well…he does convert oxygen into carbon dioxide which helps trees grow.
I like my women like I like my ancient staircases, curvy and can send me straight to hell.
[trying on a camouflage jacket]
Me: how much is this
Store Clerk: how much is what
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
White people only love Cinco de Mayo because it has mayo in it
Me (wipes chocolate off my face): Uh yeah, the Easter bunny has PMS and decided you guys should be healthy.