You know in my forty something years I’ve learned a few things
1. Never look a llama in the eye while laughing
2. Always put on clean underwear before going out
3. Never snort black pepper
4. Always be kind
My favorite Tacobell menu item is the cheesy *checks google translate* little chubby girl crunch
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PRIEST: Do you take this this woman, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, until death do you part?
ME: Well, now you made it weird.
Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying “keys” in case I thought they were llamas.
Thrilled I bought a 55″ screen so I can listen to it while I stare at a 4″ screen.
*sees McChicken video*
*goes back to church*
Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
Having kids isn’t that bad, just don’t have like the really young ones.
Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs
BOSS: I have some tough news
INVISIBLE MAN: Go on
BOSS: HR says we need to hire more “Visible” minorities
INVISIBLE MAN: This is bullshit