@TrueTorontoGirl: My friend is looking for a single, normal, well adjusted man. I told her to avoid twitter.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"
@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
@bmarked21: So the suicide hotline is only for prevention and not for nominating people who should kill themselves. Sucks. I made a list and everything.