@lisawhiteWHAT: My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
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@ilovepie84: Your Parents divorced because your Dad didn't want to put your talentless paintings on the fridge.
@TheToddWilliams: [dinner, my place] "This tastes like pork?" ME: You asked for a nice swine "No, a nice wine" ME: Oh, okay…you still want the crap cakes?
@SaraESpivey: Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.