@mattZillaaaa

My friends are like “hey come camping with us this weekend” & I’m like “I can’t, I have to get new friends”

You Might Also Like

@DavidRaymondT

I want a relationship like from Up.

She dies and I get a flying house.

@rolldiggity

I just hope people who say “Jesus is my co-pilot” realize he’s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.

@iRowlf

Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You’ve actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.

@frankiemuniz

I’m going to the gym. If you don’t hear from me again…I died.

@Coastiefish

I just walked through a spiderweb and invented the next Macarena.

@GrantTanaka

If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific

@DurtMcHurtt

I bet Yoda was pretty hot before he turned into an old Asian lady.

@Cheeseboy22

Got my son to paint our fence by telling him it was his first karate class.