@Pure_Nonsense

My goal is to be a troll as great as this guy one day

You Might Also Like

@dafloydsta

ME: Not gonna make it in today. I hurt my updog.
BOSS: What’s updog?
ME: Nothing much, prolly just gonna take a nap.

@NickSchug

If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like “whatever this person seems exhausting.”

@kristygee

I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question.

@Petote

Just because I am an Italian American doesn’t mean my family is in the mob….

It means we used to be.

@vangobot

FRIEND: it’s a strange time to be alive
ME: *looks at watch*
ah yes, 6:30

@HomeProbably

Everyone buries their problems in different ways.

I bury them alive because killing people is wrong.

@KeetPotato

[me giving a tour of pillow factory]
guy: “what do you fill the pillows with?”
me: [spotting a family of ducks in tour group] “just stuff”

@DanMentos

“You’ve reached 911”
Knock knock
“Sir ple-”
Knock knock
“This is not-”
Knock knock
“ok, who’s there?”
Ben
“Ben who”
Ben shot real bad
“NICE”

@CutPics

“You’re sure that’s the right word?”
“Like ,80% sure, yeah.”
“Print it.”