I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.
My HOA says no parking on the street, so I flex on them by parallel parking at the end of my driveway.
You Might Also Like
i’m teaching my toddler that cauliflower is “frightened broccoli” and there is nothing you can do about it
DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE’S DINNER SHE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU
If bras are called over the shoulder boulder holders then panties should be named under the hip lip grippers.
*changes voicemail recording to “your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again
If you die on the toilet, you die in real life.
Neil Patrick Harris couldn’t host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I put another shrimp on the barbie and now Ken is all pissed off.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day diet in 3 hours and 15 minutes.