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@tombrodude tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents’ home
@brynnester Can’t believe the Titanic was sunk by a lettuce
@Jarhead44 My ex just followed me on Twitter.
That said:
“Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary.”
*BLOCKED*
@Iffy_Penguin me: then why is your slogan “finger lickin’ go-”
kfc clerk: -your own fingers.
@Pork_Chop_Hair Waiter: our chef’s special is a catfish
Me: *flips table* I KNEW IT
@Sam_From_Kansas Alan from Facebook is concerned about “boarder” control and thinks they should “learn our langage”
@aggierican If you’re going to fight, fight like you’re the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark.
And brother, it’s starting to rain.
@six_2_and_even Baby wood ducks hurl themselves from a nest 60’ high on the second day of their little lives but ok son, I can transfer cash into your account so you can get an iced coffee.
@fillthevacuum “The plot thickens” I say as I switch to heavier graph paper.