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@leftarmisme: My house isn't messy.
@Pork_Sword_: <During sex>
Her: Pull my hair!!
*grabs her mustache*
@jonnysun: so im jus chilig on a ledge premtendig to be gargoyle when these firemen show up tellig me dont jump but they got a big trampoline so idk
@UncleDuke1969: WIFE: Why are you wearing camo?
ME: Crap. You can see me?
WIFE: Put those cookies back.
@rotten_mamma: 3:Mommy why do I have to wear a coat, it's not that cold out!?
Me:So other Moms don't judge me and talk shit, Buddy.
@dumbbeezie: Peeing in the dark like some kind of pilgrim because you’re at someone else’s house and can’t find the light switch