@3sunzzz: My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I'm having an affair.
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@mackswift: Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have snacks in your purse.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Maybe if we didn’t spend SO much time throwing gang signs we could’ve started this baking class on time
@PaigeKellerman: The great thing about having four kids is having four people to watch me bring in the groceries all by myself.
@SirEviscerate: "Since you both claim to be this infant's mother, we'll cut the baby in half." OK. Sounds reasonable. "Y...uh, alright then. Let's do this."