You make me want to be a better sentence completer.
My husband is the nicest guy that I could ever dream of (murdering).
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me: [makes a wish and blows out the candles]
guy sacrificing a goat: [massaging his temples] who invited this guy
captain: hand in your gun
me: *staring down barrel* the most I can fit is a finger
2000: I don’t want no scrubs
2020: I’m actually gonna need all those scrubs.
Little Mermaid: I want to be where the people are
Me: trust me u dont
trying to get cows to walk down stairs is a terrible way to find out cows can’t walk down stairs
How did we go from crappy gas station coffee to “Yes I’ll pay $7 for you to put that in a cup for me”?
“Get your fax straight!” – a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987
As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.
My superhero name is Typoman. I am the writer of wrongs.