Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they’re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
My husband ordered a hearing aid off of Amazon. I’m so screwed you guys.
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2nd Rule of Parent Club:
If your kid suddenly says “I think I’d better wash my hands”, don’t question them. I repeat, DO NOT QUESTION THEM.
January 27th is Mozart’s birthday. Mozart died at 34 years old.
Had he lived he would be 259 years old on Tuesday
Fabulous Prime: The Gay Transformer.
Parenting is cool…
I’ll tell you why when I’m done arguing with this younger version of me.
[someone attempts to speak to me]
ME: *to self, but at a completely audible volume* okay, remember your training
My browser asks “are you sure?” when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Girl asked me if I wanted to watch a “romcom” so I’m going to assume she means “Roman Combat” and put on Gladiator.
“Why do you hate me?”
– me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon