@shariv67

My husband said he bought the toupée for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I dont get men.

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@Akortainment

Spain 🤝 Spanish hymn

Turkey 🤝 Turkish hymn

Ireland 🤝 Irish hymn

Mortal combat 🤝 Finnish hymn

@XplodingUnicorn

Wife: What did I ask you to do?

Me: Love you forever?

W:

M: Kill a man to defend you honor?

W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER

I was getting there.

@Brettagher

The best revenge is living well. Starting after you murder the person who wronged you.

@sannewman

Writing tip: Give your characters different names. If all your characters are named “Nathan”, readers will become confused.

@online_shawn

I know it’s so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks

@ellle_em

Weather: is bad
My body: welp time for a migraine
Weather: is good
My body: welp time for a migraine
Me: but
My body: I said what I said

@IamEveryDayPpl

My turn ons are naps, cereal, and seeing women that are prettier than me trip over cracks in the sidewalk…

@CroweJam

Told her I’d rather eat laundry than fold it and now I’m having boxers for breakfast.