My husband said he bought the toupée for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I dont get men.

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Spain 🤝 Spanish hymn

Turkey 🤝 Turkish hymn

Ireland 🤝 Irish hymn

Mortal combat 🤝 Finnish hymn


Wife: What did I ask you to do?

Me: Love you forever?


M: Kill a man to defend you honor?


I was getting there.


The best revenge is living well. Starting after you murder the person who wronged you.


Writing tip: Give your characters different names. If all your characters are named “Nathan”, readers will become confused.


I know it’s so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks


Weather: is bad
My body: welp time for a migraine
Weather: is good
My body: welp time for a migraine
Me: but
My body: I said what I said


My turn ons are naps, cereal, and seeing women that are prettier than me trip over cracks in the sidewalk…


Told her I’d rather eat laundry than fold it and now I’m having boxers for breakfast.