It’s unfair to call me lactose intolerant when you consider what I’m willing to go through for lactose.
My husband said he was taking a spider out, instead of killing it. That was an hour ago. I bet they’re drunk by now.
You Might Also Like
Mocking commerce students is all fun and games until you realise you have no financial knowledge and you make arguments like “uBeR hAS a nEt WoRtH oF 100B$”.
Computer: Prove you’re not a robot.
Me: *struggles to find all the road signs*
Computer: Maybe prove it to yourself first. I’ll wait.
Me: SHUT UP! I CAN DO THIS!
Replacing facebook with Twitter is a bit like replacing caffeine with heroin
So important your wife knows you’re petting the dog when she hears you say “you’re getting a little chunky”
Me: I bet I totally got like 10,000 steps in today.
My mother: you lost your car in the parking garage didn’t you?
Me: WHY CAN’T YOU EVER JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME?!
my girlfriend is such a good actor haha she likes to pretend like she doesn’t exist and is just apart of my imagination
A mosquito fell into my beer five minutes ago and now he’s naked and calling his ex-girlfriends and drinking my beer