@DarkerWillow: My husband thinks it's really weird I only like green bananas and I think it's really weird I have a husband.
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@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you.
@MatCro: SON: How are monster trucks made? ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: [glares] ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane
@Sean_Burgundy_: My 40 yard dash time: 5.5 My 40 yard dash time after seeing my gf with my phone in her hands: 4.3