@Divergentmama

My husband told me all he really wanted for our anniversary was for things around the house to be straightened up.

His invisalign arrives next week.

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@FeelParmesan

2000: First cell phone. Downloads 100s of ringtones and custom notifications.

2017: Buys new cell phone. Mutes it right out of the box.

@Marlebean

When you hear your kid shout “HERE, HOLD MY LOLLIPOP!” you know it’s about to go down.

@Sayhikristy

Me: Is that seat taken?
You: You are pointing at my face…
Me: I know.

@FatherWithTwins

I was talking to my son and he casually pulled a bag of chips out from under his pillow, and started eating without breaking eye contact

He living his best life

@Contwixt

“My water-bowl wasn’t filled to its usual level so I stole your watch and peed in your shoes.”

–Cats

@ParentNormal

VOICEMAIL: I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can’t try again until next year

@Vodkantots

At this point in my life, my biological clock isn’t so much ticking as it is knitting.