@copymama

My kid lost a tooth and plans to put it under her pillow tonight so the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy can meet and hopefully make a love connection and I am HERE FOR IT

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@Easy_Tiger__

People who take things literally on twitter, stop.

Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop.

@david8hughes

[son comes running into our room]
“Dad, there’s a monster in my room!”
Look, Marky, what-
“Mikey.”
Right, Mikey. What makes u think I care?

@VisionBored1

One of my son’s classmates saw me on camera and asked if I was Snow White so yes I’d say my tan has faded

@iamspacegirl

There is actually a grim reaper for every species. The mantis reaper is the coolest and the scariest and she doesn’t even have to use a scythe.

@alanferrier

Who would have believed that the perfect Wikipedia photo caption could have been improved upon?

@DrakeGatsby

Me: How is your chicken?

Mario: It needsa salt.

Me: Uh… ok *punches chicken*

@MarfSalvador

[dead at the bottom of the pool in a mermaid outfit]

him: *sadly* it was supposed to go over your legs

@jordan_stratton

RRH: Grandma, what big eyes you have. And what big ears you have. And what big TEETH you have!

Grandma: You’re my least favorite grandchild