My kid was struggling to solve a complex math problem and tried unsuccessfully to ask Alexa for help. Being the responsible parent I am, I explained the best way to crowdsource a solution is to post the wrong answer on Reddit and 500 peeps will correct you in minutes.
You Might Also Like
I’m in a hotel and someone named Emily has multi mode turned on. Should I connect to her speaker and put on this playlist
I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume.
Pirate union rep: what would you like to see in terms of pirate rights?
Pirate: More parity!
Pirate union rep: [squawking] what would you like to see in terms of pirate rights?
Neighbors act like they’ve never seen someone wearing a bath towel, chasing after a Garbage Truck before.
Me: What’s a que and why are you against it?
Antique dealer: …What?
[girl accidentally runs me over with her car]
her: OMG IM SORRY
me, crushed under her tire: haha soooo like what are we
Bugs have antennas so they can get a few local channels for free
Me: Alexa, did I take too much Benadryl?
Hockey puck:
[first day as aquarium guide]
Me: & here’s 8 snakes biting a soccer ball
Guy: that’s an octopus
Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus
My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening.
Weird that humans evolved shins long before we’d need to find furniture in the dark
Setting up a funeral business from scratch is quite the undertaking
Shouting “Shotgun” will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Nobody in this grocery store thinks I’m a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four.
i gotta remember that brevity saves energy and is worth the misunderstandings
dog: the humans have food all the way up on the counter, that’s illegal
*calls in the SWAT team*
cat, wearing sunglasses and tactical gear: I’ll take it from here boys
(Musicians.)
When you realize Green Day predicted 85% of all Twitter content back in 1994 with the song Basket Case.
Commas make a big difference. For example “Don’t eat that, grandpa” has a very different meaning than “,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”
I had to ban two of my kids from being in the same room together.
Somehow, they still caused problems, so I sent them to different floors of the house.
Then I made one go outside and one stay inside.
For the next step, I’ll have to banish them both to different states.
[first date]
Her: I love your scent, what is it?
Me: desperation.
I’m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
Dads lose their shit when it starts raining and the sprinklers are running
how about a smoke detector that can tell the difference between me cooking bacon and my house being engulfed in flames
If you do happen to find the house giving out the drugs you should give me the address and I’ll most definitely report it to the proper authority people
Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth
the Oscars should show a clip of an actor in their movie AND THEN another clip of what the actor’s like in real life so we can see just how much they acted
A Japanese game show where you have to run through a room full of hungry German Shepherds holding your boyfriend’s mom’s cat.
Live everyday as if it’s your first. That way, you can rob a bank and say you didn’t know that was wrong.