I’ve done all the cleaning and ironing but I’ve forgot why I broke into this house in the first place.
My LonelyFans: I’m so desperate for friends it’s free to join but you have to pay an exorbitant fee to unsubscribe.
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Hideous monsters for sale! Selling cheap! Crazy wild beasts! Won’t last long!
“Honey, stop trying to sell the kids.”
As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.
Working from home has been a good way to find out which of my neighbors have loud lawnmowers and barking dogs. All of them. The answer is all of them.
“Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?”
“Go on then”
“NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
“Thanks, I’ve been practicing.”
Me: I just stepped in dog shit, isn’t that weird?
Her: Not really
Me: Ok, what if I told you I knew it was there?
My kid wouldn’t eat it after he ordered it so I had to: A parents guide.
Too bad the dinosaurs didn’t have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up.
My wife is upset we can’t afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving
Anne Has A Problem
Anne Has A Solution
Anne Has A Will