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I’ve done all the cleaning and ironing but I’ve forgot why I broke into this house in the first place.


Hideous monsters for sale! Selling cheap! Crazy wild beasts! Won’t last long!

“Honey, stop trying to sell the kids.”


As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.


Working from home has been a good way to find out which of my neighbors have loud lawnmowers and barking dogs. All of them. The answer is all of them.


“Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?”
“Go on then”
“That’s Superman”
“Thanks, I’ve been practicing.”


Me: I just stepped in dog shit, isn’t that weird?
Her: Not really
Me: Ok, what if I told you I knew it was there?


Too bad the dinosaurs didn’t have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up.


My wife is upset we can’t afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving


Anne Has A Problem

Anne Has A Solution

Anne Has A Will

Anne Hathaway