My mind is exceptionally quiet…. I’m suspicious that I’m up to something i dont want myself to know about.

You Might Also Like


please hire me for anything except the job i do now. qualifications include but not limited to:
•can walk up and down stairs
•can easily identify when someone is talking
•knows all US states except one
•once ate a blueberry muffin like an apple
•can smell most numbers


Exits public bathroom stall

Makes eye contact with the person next in line

Mouths: “I’m so sorry”


Cop: This spot is for frog parking only

Me: Oh yeah. What are you gonna do about it?

*gets toad*


So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery.


They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.


reasons my cat is yowling:

-she doesn’t want the food in her bowl
-she wants to be picked up
-she wants to be put back down
-she wants to play
-she doesn’t want her toys touched
-the mantelpiece is not high enough
-it’s raining
-the universe is large & she is its queen