“We like the idea, we do. We’re just afraid it’s going to keep the viewer awake.” – Sundance Channel execs
My mind is exceptionally quiet…. I’m suspicious that I’m up to something i dont want myself to know about.
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lawyer: your honor, I request a side bar
judge: granted. *cracks open a beer*
me: excuse me, do u work here?
no april fools jokes for us as we are in the middle of a pandemic. having said that, goofy has died.
Kids. Because who else is willing to stampede through the house sounding like an overweight elephant while also only weighing 30 pounds?
*Day 9 of quarantine*
Him: My beard is really filling out!
Me: *rubbing my face* Mine too!
If my landlord would just take cat hair instead of money, I could pay for the whole year upfront.
*thumb wrapped in giant bandage*
CW: Oh my God, what happened?
Me: Never challenge a hitchhiker to a thumb war.
Geologists are still pissed the phrase, “it’s not rock science” never caught on.
Me:*carefully puts on my helmet and adds a bell and basket to my bike*
Spin Class Instructor: no