@Try2StopME

My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs…

I’ve been his customer for 6 years.

I had no idea he was a barber.

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@PaperWash

Karate Kid (1984) A Japanese man teaches a desperate young boy about bullying by forcing him to fix his house.

@briangaar

Happy 30th birthday Super Mario Bros. To celebrate, I’m going to eat mushrooms, punch a brick wall & set a turtle on fire.

@_thatigirl

83 yo man, “You speak pretty good English for a Chinese girl”. Me: “I’m caucasian”. Him, “Well, any kind of Asian looks Chinese to me”.

@ddsmidt

You would think my neighbors would appreciate me petting their dogs every day.

But nooooo, they’re too worried about how I keep getting into their house.

@caperbc75

“Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You’re getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!”

– the Abdominal Snowman

@longwall26

Die Hard (1988) A shoeless New Yorker murders a bunch of people at his wife’s office Christmas party.

@naughtygeisha3

Men say they love Asian women but every time I fry up a new boyfriend’s cat or dog it’s like all the appreciation goes out the window.

@JustAboutGlad

“Who am I?” – Descartes.
“Why am I?” – Camus.
“What am I?” – Chopped Liver.