Just want to apologize to all the unlucky women that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped him.
My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. 🙂
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Language is cool because it’s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
DON’T INTERRUPT ME!!!
(me, in a drunken argument with your dog)
This generation sucks but does it swallow
Why roboticize vacuuming? It’s all instant gratification. It’s the crack of cleaning.
Dad: HEY come here, did you go to school with this guy on tv?
Me: Dad, that’s Spongebob Squarepants
Dad: Must’ve been in your sister’s class
Adored by women
Unfollowed by cat magazine.
me: I have a phobia of very large numbers
therapist: I can help u
me: thanks a twelve
If you care about someone,
even a little bit.
I beg of you.
TELL THEM WHEN THEY HAVE SOMETHING IN THEIR TEETH.
my mom treats her air pods like they’re disposable. buys a few a month. she says they would be easier to not lose if they had….a cord