Apparently it is “against church policy” to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
My parenting life wavers between “Be original and true to yourself” and “Please don’t make the school psychologist call me again this week”.
You Might Also Like
A WOMAN: i’ve only been washing my hair
ME: IN THE OFFICE BATHROOM SINK!! ME TOO!!
THE WOMAN: once a
ME: ONCE I WAKE UP I KNOW SAME ME TOO!!
I always eat free range chicken… free range fish, free range hot dogs & free range ramen. (Somebody gave me this old stove)
Co-worker: some food is way high in vitamins, k?
Me: that’s bananas.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald’s Playland ball pit
BRUCE BANNER: [tries to pick up a crouton with his fork]
DATE: Are you okay?
THE HULK: I’ve been better.
*changes voicemail recording to “your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again
Email: 48 people have viewed your LinkedIn profile
Me: I still have a LinkedIn profile?
“Holy infant so tender and mild.”
Did you really think bringing a puppy with you to the interview would help you get the job?
WELL YOU’RE RIGHT.