My parents waited way too long to tell me about Santa and the Easter Bunny. I was so mad I got in my car & drove away.

You Might Also Like


FREE $1,000,000,000 IDEA: a Tumblr-type platform for list-making called Schindlr


HER: Promise you won’t overreact?
ME: Yes.
H: They said that you were a little dramatic.
M: Swirls cape and plays long organ chord. “Fools!”


Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I’m available.


Girls go to the bathroom together because that’s where we rap battle


Nana’s house is getting real bad, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting another dead cat.


[Friend] Kyle, u have to stop referring to your Ballet Club as a “gang”
[Me & my gang all do 2 pirouettes and stop in unison] “Not a chance”


Please enjoy my “Here’s Your Sign” tweet collection, designed to ward off Twitter trolls.


If you ever lose me at an estate sale, I can usually be found wrestling some old lady named Edith in the kitchen over a ladle and some tongs. Please don’t intervene. I’ve got this.


Oddly enough, ever since downloading
AdBlock onto my computer …..

all the local girls in my area
seem to have lost interest.