@amydillon: My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to get out of the car."
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@shkeeber: Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird.
@HeyoShellz: The good news is that my appetite has come back. The bad news is that my appetite has come back.
@Nikkeya08: Mom 1: My son's gonna be a pro baseball player Mom 2: Mines gonna be a doctor Me: My son shows strong signs of being able to escape prison
@DontTouchMyWine: I’m the kind of girl who won’t stop until you’re screaming your safeword. Related: Your safeword’s the first 16 digits of your credit card.