FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What’s your net worth?
FISHERMAN: Which one?
My personal style is best described as “didn’t expect to get out of the car.”
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I get distracted pretty eas
Maybe the reason you’re not having *sexual intercourse* is because you call it sexual intercourse.
Hot girl: hi
Me: are you a cop?
Lois : Clark, are those binoculars?
Clark Kent : Yes, I can’t find my glasses.
Lois : Put them down for a second.
Clark : No
Can’t you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick.
My electric toothbrush ran out of batteries so I had to brush with my acoustic.
If a girl has magnetic personality and still She can’t attract the desired boy.
Then that means the boy has iron deficiency.
“And the award for Most British Name goes to…”
*Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed*