My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough.

Now he can hear the voices too.

You Might Also Like


god I hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation I’m way too tired to do this again


Me: Did you use my highlighter?





2: No.

Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.


Drinking recklessly used to mean tequila until 4 am.

Now its coffee after 5 pm.


Me: Son, how many times have I told you to stop playing with dolls?

Son: I’m trying to teach CPR. Please get out.


Husband & me: OMG, he’s doing it!

1yo: *walking*

Husband & me: OMG, he’s doing it!

6yo: *riding two-wheeler*

Husband & me: OMG, he’s doing it!

16yo: *pouring milk into cereal without spilling*


Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don’t know how I got here and I’m not even sure where “here” is.


In Canada, she’s Kilometery Cyrus.


25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated.


The problem is, once you get the bear in a headlock, you’re going to have to let him go at some point and he’s going to be pissed.