*approaches checkout with bird seed*
“that all for you today?”
Yes. How long does it usually take?
For them to grow
My roommate’s boyfriend has been here for 9 consecutive days and nights which is fine except i cant stand being in his presence and everything he does deeply infuriates me. going to start leaving subtle hints that he should go home like for example lighting his shoes on fire
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him: you’re not like other girls
me, at the urinal next to him: how
I like telling car salesmen “Listen, we both know I’m not here to buy a car” and trying to figure out what it is they think I’m there to do
guys please don’t talk about the healthcare vote I’ve got it tivoed
Thank God there is the super fit woman who constantly power walks past my window to remind me that I don’t want to do that.
“I’m so lucky to have you.”— Me to my hand.
No, it’s not what you think.
I just watched Hook.
My dog stepped in the pumpkin pie. I’m serving it anyway.
Honey Boo Boo changes name to Sugar Scab.
[ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that.
[laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?